Finding Joy

It’s time to admit what I’ve known for a little over a year now. I don’t really love running as much as I once did and I know exactly what happened. Almost as soon as I had started running back in 2018, I had made running the Boston Marathon my goal. Along the way I faced a few injuries, setbacks, and things that caused me to lose some focus. In 2021, I trained as hard as I possibly could to run a qualifying marathon that would get me to that famous start line in Hopkinton. In October of that year, I ran two marathons that qualified me for the race. The Chicago Marathon on October 10th was my first marathon that I specifically trained for and I ran 3:09:28. My qualifying standard was 3:10 and I was not comfortable with a 32 second cushion, so I signed up for the DoLittle Marathon in Waukesha, Wisconsin just two short weeks later. I executed flawlessly and had a fantastic course to use to my advantage. At this race I ran 2:57:28. A solid qualifying time that would all but guarantee my place in Boston.

I ran the Boston Marathon in 2021 and finished in 3:15:26. As my luck would have it, because the marathon that I ran in 2021 was so late in the year, my time was still good to qualify me for the 2022 Boston Marathon. I still trained for the Madison Marathon that I ran on November 13th, 2022 and finished the hilly and challenging course in 3:17:40. Almost immediately after I finished training for the Madison Marathon, training for the 2023 Boston Marathon started. There was really nothing that stands out about training for this marathon. In addition, I ran the course faster than I did in 2022 and set a new personal course record of 3:12:40. Then things started to change.

In the fall of 2023, I purchased a mountain bike and did my very first mountain bike race at Treadfest in Lake Geneva. I didn’t place very well since I was nervous and inexperienced, but I was immediately addicted. I vowed that I was going to do all 9 races in the Wisconsin Off-Road Series in 2024 and I was 100% committed to this endeavor. However, it was fall and I needed to start training for the Boston Marathon in 2024. In hindsight, I was miserable. Training did not go well in the winter of 2023 – 2024. My paces were slower than I had expected and doing speed work was a challenge. There were days I had to force myself to run. It was becoming painfully obvious that I was woefully unprepared for the Boston Marathon on April 15th, 2024.

There’s this thing that drives me a little crazy in the running world. There are times it seems like people who are “fast” are not allowed to be disappointed. Running the Boston Marathon in 2024 was a disappointment and those feeling that I felt just about ruined running for me. Before the Boston Marathon of 2024, my average finishing time for an official marathon was about 3 hours and 25 minutes. This includes my first ever marathon (one that I didn’t even train for) that I ran in 4 hours and 43 minutes. On the day of the race, it was warmer than I had been acclimated to. For some perspective, when I left Wisconsin on April 13th it was snowing. When I toed the start line in Hopkinton, it was almost 70F with a practically cloudless sky. I started out way faster than I should have. I ran the first 5k in 22:02 which would have put me at about 3:07 or so for a finish time. By the time I reached Wellesley, the wheels had fallen off and I was starting to run/walk. Not since I ran my first marathon ever in 2019 had I walked during a marathon, and I was walking up the first of the Newton hills at mile 16 in the Boston Marathon. I thought about giving up. I thought about how easy it would have been to just step off the course at a med tent and just call it quits. The last 10 miles was a suffer fest, but I persevered and finished. It was my second slowest marathon ever at 3:43:15. The only other marathon I’ve run that was slower was one that I didn’t train for. I was disappointed. I blamed the weather, I blamed the Nike Alpha Fly 3 shoes that I bought specifically for the race. I blamed my nutrition, I blamed my training. I blamed practically everything under the sun except for the true cause. Burnout. I had been training practically nonstop since June of 2021 and the cracks in my resolve were starting to show.

While I was on the plane back to Wisconsin, I thought that I was just going to focus on mountain bike racing during 2024 and that is exactly what I did. There were a few weeks in 2024 where I didn’t run at all. I would wake up in the morning and choose between running or riding my mountain bike. I was more likely to gear up, grab my Trek X-Caliber 8, and head to The Palmer Urban Mountain Bike Park (The PUMP). Other trails included Rockport, CamRock, Quarry Ridge, Atwood Park, Alpine Valley, and Grand Geneva. There are a dozen or more trails within an hour drive of my house. The change of terrain and scenery was exhilarating. In 2024 I ran just shy of 1,600 miles. That was at least 500 fewer miles than I ran in either 2023, 2022, or 2021. The fact of the matter was that I wasn’t really concerned. I had little to no desire to run the Boston Marathon in 2025. I just didn’t feel like training like that again.

A few months ago, I decided that I was going to run a local marathon with a goal of setting a new PR. In January, I started back up my marathon training and was determined to be in optimal shape for the April 27th date. Then I got COVID in February and it completely took the wind out of my sails. After taking several days off to recover from the illness, I no longer had the determination to train. I decided that I was going to switch to the half marathon distance, but even then, I just didn’t have any motivation to get out and do the things that I needed to do. As race day neared, I decided that I wasn’t going to sign up at all. My running fell off and I wasn’t doing speed work or long runs on the weekends.

Last week, while texting with a friend, he casually mentioned that he ran more miles than I did the week before. In the first 21 days of May, I had run only 5 days for a grand total of about 30 miles. I decided, purely impulsively, that I was going to buy a pair of Hoka Speedgoat 6 and start trail running again. I checked to see when the last time I had actually run on trails, and it was some time in 2020. My shoes arrived on Tuesday, May 20th, but it rained off and on for two days and I wasn’t able to run on the trails that I like to run on. Today was the first day that I was able to take them out for a spin and it was everything that I had hoped it would be and then some.

When I woke up this morning, I was actually excited to go running for the first time in what felt like forever. Rockport Park in Janesville, Wisconsin has several miles of twisty trails that are primarily used for mountain biking, many others in the city like to use them for trail running and hiking as well. It was here where I feel like I may have found what was missing. Powering up hills, snaking around trees, watching my footing on rocks and roots. It was the most fun I’ve had running in ages. Whether I have started my trail running era or not will remain to be seen, but I do know that I was able to find joy in running again. If you are feeling like you’re burned out. Try switching things up. Don’t be afraid to try something new or do something that you haven’t done in a while. You just might find the spark that you’re looking for.